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Author Topic: Weasel Your Way  (Read 2974 times)
Reiter
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« on: June 04, 2010, 05:17:04 PM »

Storytelling is, for me, a nice way to say "glorified lying". But that doesn't mean it's immoral! Oh, no no no. Good storytelling is an essential survival skill that has helped hundreds of practitioners - Scheherezade, J. Robert Oppenheimer, and yourself as a 3rd year college student included - escape what would have otherwise been lethal, crippling, or supremely embarrassing situations. When in a tight spot, all you need to do is whip out a handy, well-crafted Story, and you're good as saved!

Which brings us to this thread.

In this thread, you will practice the time-honored traditions of fibbing, yarn-spinning, and tale-telling, by means of random scenarios selected especially for you by your colleagues. Here's how it works: the person before you will form a situation that places you, your reputation, or your newly-bought egg carton at stake. This can be in any form - narrative, short monologue, surveillance camera footage. You will attempt to weasel your way out by means of a short speech. Afterwards, you may rate how the person before you did in outfoxing the fox that got him into his predicament. Then you write a sticky situation of your own (not THAT kind, you perv) for the next person to get out of, and you're done!

So, to kick this thing off:

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Having gotten inexplicably lost, for purpose of this exercise, at the latest "HairCon", you find yourself standing on a stage in front of a gathering of five hundred and more serious, conventional businessfurs... in your "furlessuit". There are TV cameras trained at you. In the far corner, you spot a waiter making the sign of the cross. If you don't get this situation under control, you could be facing irate management, jail time, the ridicule of the entire furry population, and the wrath of the entire furless community besides (which is much worse, of course). How do you respond?
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k9k
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« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2010, 02:16:21 AM »

"Greeting ladies and Gentlemen, it's my great pleasure to introduce our guest, Greg! *points at the waiter* That sly devil there is the foremost authority on method acting, so folks, give this man a hand and welcome him on stage!"

----
Today is not your day. You manage to drench your pants in hot coffee and seeing as you are giving a presentation in 30 minutes, you can not go home and change. So you are reduced to a blow dryer! Sneaking into the bathroom, you remove your pants and use the hand dryer to try and evaporate your double mocha frappachino when the door opens. To your horror, you realize three things at once. 1. You are in the lady's bathroom because 2. Fran, Bible clutched in her sweaty man hands is glaring at you because 3. It being laundry day, did not put on under garments! How do you talk your way out of this mess?
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« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2010, 07:30:25 AM »

"Mawnin' Ma'am, sawruh for the inconvenience. Some prankstuh switched the signs to these here daws sev'ral months ago, and Management finally asked me to switch 'em back. Musta fawgotten that I'd put 'em back on 'er right places, a haw haw haw haw!"

----

K9k - NOT GOOD ENOUGH (2/5). You forgot that you're in a humansuit, acting as a creature most reviled by the furry populace. As the waiter cries out, "That's the monster from my bad dreams!" several businessmen nod in assent, and a few stand up and approach you with - erp - katanas in hand. Oops. Did I forget to mention they were Japanese businessmen? Grin

----

"Peeple of Londen, bow to your Lohd Mayor. (pause) To-doy in our summuh hanging series, we have Somebody. Is ee guilty? Is ee innocent? Oo cares? Let's jus' watch the hanging, an' enjoy!"

How do you respond?
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« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2010, 07:12:03 PM »

"SIR! You have not filled out the proper forms in triplicate for a hanging nor have you filed, in duplicate form I-6 for exemption to marked holy day executions, nor  reviewed, signed, had countersigned, prisoner appeal form 93. Failure to do it invokes the stay of Execution as required by chapter 5, section 2, subsection 3, addendum 5 of the Executioner's code of ethics!"
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Reiter: unfortunately, this would have gotten you off the hook had your pants been on. With a screech of moral indignation, you are promptly maced, kicked in the testes and eye gouged by Fran and had security called. (3/5)
----
Due to your very poor sense of direction, coupled with a car break down, has landed in the highly cliched, overused plot of being hunted down by a deranged killer, in the dark, in the woods. Backed into a corner, the killer advances, overused cutting implant in hand, how do you talk him out of making you a poster boy for gurochan?
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"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office."
H. L. Mencken
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« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2010, 02:29:08 AM »

There is a reason that horror films are never set in Arizona--concealed carry laws. I kick him in the balls, then draw my 45 caliber Colt pistol and try to sell him a Ginsa knife.

Sooo, a Mafia bosses wife catches you in bed with their 14 year old daughter. You are wearing nothing but a smile.
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« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2010, 07:18:02 PM »

I know this looks bad, but you should've seen what Fat Tony did to her! 
----------
Quinn Yellowfox:  A swift kick to the 'nads is generally effective, and this madman is no exception.  However, being a serial killer in the Arizona desert, he hasn't had a job in quite some time, and simply can not budget in that Ginsa knife.  Looks like you won't make that Christmas bonus.  Embarrassed  (4/5) 
----------
Your lover is sleeping quite contentedly next to you.  You, however, are suffering from terrible nausea.  After at least an hour of awful gurgling, burbling, and churning, you let loose another putrid blast of wind; so loud and foul, it wakes your partner.  This one, however, is much wetter than the last.  Eyes wide, you realize you woke your partner when you pooped the bed. 
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"I had never before thought of how awful the relationship must be between the musician and his instrument.  He has to fill it, this instrument, with the breath of life, his own.  He has to make it do what he wants it to do."  --Baldwin, "Sonny's Blues"
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This pic feels unfinished...REDO!!! XD


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« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2010, 04:02:19 AM »

Sneeze! Gross...Xp

But I ACCEPT! XD

---------

Stirred awake by the loud noise, she groggily lifts her head, only to find the mess in question without a person she can blame it on.

"HONEY! What in the [EFF!] IS THIS PILE OF [$#!T] DOING IN OUR BED!?"

Hearing my que, I walk in the room with clean boxers on, holding a crying baby wearing a conviniently soiled diaper. I put on the best apologetic face I could muster and began to calm the small child in my arms.

"Aw, damn! The baby must've gone while we were sleeping."

A bemused look stretched across her face as the woman in the bed looked from our baby to the stain in the sheets.

"So, you're telling me the baby did this while we were sleeping. And I'm finding you out of bed because...?"

At first I didn't answer, as I was preparing to draw a bath for the infant I was preared to blame. With a sigh, I tried to sound as genuine as possible.

"I didn't want to wake you, but the baby was having a coughing fit. I probably gave him too much cough syrup, because he fell asleep pretty fast. The little guy looked so adorable, I just couldn't put him down. So, I let him sleep in our room for the night."

As quickly as it came, her rage quelled and seemed to change into mere annoyance. With a sigh, she got up & gathered the sheets, trying her best not to touch the messy brown spot.
 
"Fine, whatever. I've gotta work early, so do you mind cleaning up here?"

"Will do, babe."

With a quick peck, she headed for the laundry room, leaving me and the baby alone, smiles on both of our faces.

"Way to take one for your old man, Champ!"

Seeing my smile, the baby giggled in delight, naïve to our little secret kept from the battleaxe known as my wife.

---------

So? How was that?
« Last Edit: December 08, 2010, 07:27:55 PM by King_Monkey_666 » Logged
Sneeze
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« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2011, 08:37:21 PM »

Sorry 'bout that prompt there, KM, but it was all that came to mind (I had been watching Pirate Radio for two days straight.  If you've seen it, you know the scene).  I commend you for the attempt!  Cheesy 

That said, you handled the situation very admirably, but hardly flawlessly.  Your partner was awakened by the, erm, movement, and even one who takes some time to regain consciousness would surely be up before you had the chance to make yourself presentable, start a bath going, and grab an infant from his own room.  Besides, this is an adult's poo, and the volume of excrement is far too large for your baby.  While it satisfies your partner at the time, she finds all the holes while at work that day; when she comes home, the battleaxe is in full swing.  Such an incident is hardly enough to ruin your relationship, but you are scolded for blaming the baby and she forces you to buy more "diapers."  Quite embarrassing.  (3/5) 

----------

(Something many of us can relate to . . . )

While this semester certainly hasn't been the best, you finally have a pretty good handle on things.  Feeling confident that you are caught up, you check your syllabuses (syllabi?  Huh) to make sure.  As you go through them one by one, you stop in horror when you get to your history class:  your presentation on Sejanus' affect on Tiberius' reign and the continuation of the Julio-Claudian dynasty, with emphasis on the economy and class relations, is not due next week, as you had thought, but today.  While your background research is done, you certainly aren't ready to speak for fifteen minutes.  You begin sweating bullets as you hear shuffling of note cards around you and the professor walks into class.  Today just had to be the day you showed up early. 

(Okay, so I doubt any of us have been this deep in the pooper, but still.  Assignments can be sneaky.) 
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"I had never before thought of how awful the relationship must be between the musician and his instrument.  He has to fill it, this instrument, with the breath of life, his own.  He has to make it do what he wants it to do."  --Baldwin, "Sonny's Blues"
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« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2011, 02:46:44 AM »

Desperate times call for desperate measures, making sure your backpack is not in the splatter zone, you skillfully sneak a finger down your throat, your anatomy class coming in handy as you prod your gag reflex. With a loud blargh, you vomit on the floor. Since it is clear you are in no shape to present today, you are allowed to leave and see the nurse, whom you inform that you had a fish taco from the local 7-11 for breakfast.
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"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office."
H. L. Mencken
RimeScales
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« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2011, 03:14:00 PM »

A typical situation and a classical response *Claps at k9k for his bravery* 4/5
But will it work? Its an abused tact that's been done so many times before. Who's to say the teacher won't just tell you to go get cleaned up and get your ass back ASAP.

Okies lemme see now...
-Your speeding down the steet totally wasted on Hash and god knows what else. You fail to notice the traffic lights ahead are turning red, but the driver in the vehicle infront doesn't. You ram the other car, hard, and the shock from the crash is enough to snap out of the haze. Waving the wisps of smoke away from your eyes, you realise what you just rammed was a cop car and you can see them both getting out to inspect the damage, and to ask you a few questions...-
« Last Edit: May 08, 2011, 03:18:08 PM by RimeScales » Logged
k9k
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« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2011, 12:04:20 AM »

At the very least, it allows you a quick pitstop at the vending machine, where adding a splish of red mountain dew to your vomit covered shirt will cause the nurse to hold you at least until the end of class.



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"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office."
H. L. Mencken
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« Reply #11 on: October 04, 2011, 01:23:11 AM »

This game has always caught my eye, so I'll just pick up where we left off!

-Your speeding down the steet totally wasted on Hash and god knows what else. You fail to notice the traffic lights ahead are turning red, but the driver in the vehicle infront doesn't. You ram the other car, hard, and the shock from the crash is enough to snap out of the haze. Waving the wisps of smoke away from your eyes, you realise what you just rammed was a cop car and you can see them both getting out to inspect the damage, and to ask you a few questions...-
Hmm...well, the old boob flash doesn't seem like it'll work here.
I would turn my undercover police lights and threaten them with interrupting my FBI investigation if they don't move their illegally parked car.

------

While sexting your furry best friend, you accidently send one of the messages to your girlfriend. She has no idea that you're gay, and doesn't know what this furry thing is.
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I suppose I have to have some sort of quote here?

"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out."
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RimeScales
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« Reply #12 on: October 05, 2011, 03:28:43 PM »

I'd tell her it was one of my friends playing a practical joke
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